The following piece was written and produced by Calafia 3rd year fellow Clarissa Wing, and it is a letter to her pre-college self. As a first-generation college student, the battle with imposter syndrome, academic struggle, and the feeling of unworthiness are heavily present. This letter serves as both guidance to her younger self and a reminder to her current self as these seeds of self-doubt still arise.
Dear Freshman Clarissa,
I know this new chapter of your life seems to be filled with ambivalent emotions: anxiety, uncertainty, and self-doubt, counterbalancing gratitude, pride, and hopefulness. I wish I could say you will not encounter the former emotions to protect you from the hurt. But, these experiences will build your resilience and teach you formative lessons.
You’re going to love your university and the opportunities that seem to seep through it–the gleaming hope of what is to come. You’ll experience a new sense of freedom and independence, feel inspired by a bustling city and campus, join clubs that cultivate community and connection, make new friends whom you get to share exciting ventures with, and create memories you know you’ll remember for a lifetime. It’ll feel like you are just at the beginning of writing your story.
Despite this, you’ll be challenged with seeds of self-doubt that cause you to question your abilities. Classes are more difficult than you anticipated and it’ll feel like your intelligence is being put to the test. You will struggle in some of your courses and they’ll be hard to balance. Though I know you want to do it all on your own, you’re going to learn to reach out for academic help.
It’s okay to feel vulnerable. Self-compassion is what you discover you’ll need.
You’ll find that you’re not alone in this journey of the new challenges you face. Your classmates will share their similar experiences of academic struggle, newness to college life, and the overwhelming feeling of imposter syndrome. You’ll feel the love and encouragement from your family who are proud of how far you’ve come and will be there to cheer you on, especially during the more stressful times. They are, after all, the people who you did this for.
You’ll recognize how far you’ve come and the devotion it took to get to where you are now. Don’t let those fears obstruct your belief in yourself and your dream of achieving higher education. Embrace the tears, frustration, obstacles, learning lessons, and successes that are part of the process. These feelings will continue to come up even after your first year and that’s okay. It’s not always going to be a straight path. During these times it’s important to allow yourself to feel those emotions and give yourself grace because you are doing the best you can. It’s not going to be easy but know that you can reach out for help.
I say all this not to scare you from the negative experiences, but rather to convey that despite the challenges you will face, you will emerge resilient. Know that I am proud of you, at every stage of this journey. Your future self is applauding you with the unfaltering understanding that you are trying your best. Be kind to yourself and remember that you are not alone in this process. Believe in yourself as much as others believe in you.
With love,
Your future self